These are the thoughts

...that go through my head
in my backyard on a Sunday afternoon
when I have the house to myself
and i'm not expending all that energy
on fighting with my boyfriend

is he the one that I will marry?
why is it so hard to be
objective about myself?
why do I feel cellularly alone?
am I supposed to live in this crazy city?
can blindly continued fear-induced
regurgitated life-denying tradition be overcome?

where does the money go
that I send to those in need?
if we have so much
why do some people have nothing still?
why do I feel frantic
when I first wake up in the morning?
why do you say you are spiritual
yet you treat people like shit?

how can you say you're close to god
and yet you talk behind my back
as though I am not a part of you?
why do I say I'm fine
when it's obvious I'm not?
why's it so hard to tell you what I want?
why can't you just read my mind?

why do I fear that the quieter I am
the less you will listen?
why do I care whether you like me or not?
why is it so hard for me to be angry?
why is it such work to stay conscious
and so easy to get stuck
and not the other way around?

will I ever move back to canada?
can I be with a lover with
whom I am a student and a master?
why am I encouraged to shut my mouth
when it gets too close to home?
why cannot I live in the moment?

Alanis Morisette
www.alanis.com